Matthew
Shepard was the oldest son of Judy Peck Shepard and Dennis Shepard. Born in
Casper, Wyoming he had returned after high school to Laramie to attend college
at the University of Wyoming. At around midnight on October 6, 1998, Matthew
was lured from The Fireside Inn, a bar popular with students, by Aaron J.
McKinney, 22, and Russell A. Henderson, 21, and driven to a place about a
mile outside of Laramie. During the drive, McKinney told him: Guess
what. Were not gay. Youre gonna get jacked. It's Gay Awareness
Week. and began beating Matthew with his fist. At their destination
these men took him out to a split-rail fence, mercilessly beat him with a
.357 Magnum pistol, tortured him, then tied him to the fence and beat him
again, robbed him, and left him for dead. Matthew had suffered at least eighteen
blows to his head. He was found on October 7 at 6:22 p.m. by two bikers, 16
to 18 hours after the attack began. When the bikers first saw Matthew tied
to the fence they initially thought what they saw was a scarecrow. Matthew
was taken to Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado where doctors
found his skull so badly fractured they could not operate to save him. He
remained in a coma until Monday, October 12, when he died at 12:53 a.m. with
his family at his bedside.
Dennis Shepards Statements to the Court
November 4, 1999
Your honor, members of the Jury, Mr. Rerucha: I would like to begin my statement
by addressing the jury. Ladies and gentlemen, a terrible crime was committed
in Laramie thirteen months ago. Because of that crime, the reputation of the
city of Laramie, the University of Wyoming, and the State of Wyoming became
synonymous with gay bashing, hate crimes, and brutality. While some of this
reputation may be deserved, it was blown out of proportion by our friends
in the media. Yesterday you, the jury, showed the world that Wyoming and the
city of Laramie will not tolerate hate crimes. Yes, this was a hate crime,
pure and simple, with the added ingredient of robbery. My son Matthew paid
a terrible price to open the eyes of all of us who live in Wyoming, the United
States, and the world to the unjust and unnecessary fears, discrimination,
and intolerance that members of the gay community face every day. Yesterdays
decision by you showed true courage and made a statement. That statement is
that Wyoming is the Equality State; that Wyoming will not tolerate discrimination
based on sexual orientation; that violence is not the solution. Ladies and
gentlemen, you have the respect and admiration of Matthews family and
friends and of countless strangers around the world. Be proud of what you
have accomplished. You may have prevented another family from losing a son
or daughter.
Your honor, I would also like to thank you for the dignity and grace with
which this trial was conducted. Repeated attempts to distract the court from
the true purpose of this trial failed because of your attentiveness, knowledge,
and willingness to take a stand and make new law in the area of sexual orientation
and the Gay Panic defense. By doing so you have emphasized that
Matthew was a human being with all the rights and responsibilities and protections
of any citizen of Wyoming.
Mr. Rerucha took the oath of office as prosecuting attorney to protect the
rights of the citizens of Albany County as mandated by the laws of the state
of Wyoming, regardless of his personal feelings and beliefs. At no time did
Mr. Rerucha make any decision on the outcome of this case without the permission
of Judy and me. It was our decision to take this case to trial, just as it
was our decision to accept the plea bargain today and the earlier plea bargain
of Mr. Henderson. A trial was necessary to show that this was a hate crime
and not just a robbery gone bad. If we had sought a plea bargain earlier,
the facts of this case would not have been known and the question would always
be present that we had something
to hide. In addition, this trial was necessary to help provide some closure
to the citizens of Laramie, Albany County, and the state. I find it intolerable
that the priests of the Catholic Church and the Newman Center would attempt
to influence the jury, the prosecution, and the outcome of this trial by their
castigation and persecution of Mr. Rerucha and his family in his private life,
by their newspaper advertisements, and by their presence in the courtroom.
I find it difficult to believe that they speak for all Catholics. If the leaders
of churches want to comment as private citizens, that is one thing. If they
say that they represent the beliefs of their church, that is another. This
country was founded on separation of church and state. The Catholic Church
has stepped over the line and has become a political group with its own agenda.
If that be the case, treat them as a political group and eliminate their privileges
as a religious organization.
My son Matthew did not look like a winner. After all, he was small for his
ageweighing, at the most, 110 pounds, and standing only 52
tall. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of 13 until
the day he died. However, in his all too brief life, he proved that he was
a winner. My sona gentle, caring soulproved that he was as tough
as, if not tougher than, anyone I have ever heard of or known. On October
6, 1998, my son tried to show the world that he could win again. On October
12, 1998, my first-born sonand my herolost. On October 12, my
first-born sonand my hero died 50 days before his 22nd birthday.
He died quietly, surrounded by family and friends, with his mother and brother
holding his hand. All that I have left now are the memories.
Its hard to put into words how much Matt meant to family and friends
and how much they meant to him. Everyone wanted him to succeed because he
tried so hard. The spark that he provided to people had to be experienced.
He simply made everyone feel better about themselves. Family and friends were
his focus. He knew that he always had their support for anything that he wanted
to try.
Matts gift was people. He loved being with people, helping people, and
making others feel good. The hope of a better world free of harassment and
discrimination because a person was different kept him motivated. All his
life he felt the stabs of discrimination. Because of that he was sensitive
to other peoples feelings. He was naive to the extent that, regardless
of the wrongs people did to him, he still had faith that they would change
and become nice. Matt trusted people, perhaps too much. Violence
was not a part of his life until his senior year in high school. He would
walk into a fight and try to break it up. He was the perfect negotiator. He
could get two people talking to each other again as no one else could.
Matt loved people and he trusted them. He could never understand how one person
could hurt another, physically or verbally. They would hurt him, and he would
give them another chance. This quality of seeing only good gave him friends
around the world. He didnt see size, race, intelligence, sex, religion,
or the hundred other things that people use to make choices about people.
All he saw was the person. All he wanted was to make another person his friend.
All he wanted was to make another person feel good. All he wanted was to be
accepted as an equal.
What did Matts friends think of him? Fifteen of his friends from high
school in Switzerland, as well as his high school adviser, joined hundreds
of others at his memorial services. They left college, fought a blizzard,
and came together one more time to say good-bye to Matt. Men and women coming
from different countries, cultures, and religions thought enough of my son
to drop everything and come to Wyomingmost of them for the first time.
Thats why this Wyoming country boy wanted to major in foreign relations
and languages. He wanted to continue making friends and at the same time help
others. He wanted to make a difference. Did he? You tell me.
I loved my son and, as can be seen throughout this statement, was proud of
him. He was not my gay son. He was my son who happened to be gay. He was a
good-looking, intelligent,
caring person. There were the usual arguments, and at times he was a real
pain in the butt. I felt the regrets of a father when he realizes that his
son is not a star athlete. But it was replaced with a greater pride when I
saw him on the stage. The hours that he spent learning his parts, working
behind the scenes, and helping others made me realize that he was actually
an excellent athletein a more dynamic waybecause of the different
types of physical and mental conditioning required by actors. To this day
I have never figured out how he was able to spend all those hours at the theater,
during the school year, and still have good grades.
Because my job involved lots of travel, I never had the same give-and-take
with Matt that Judy had. Our relationship at times was strained. But, whenever
he had problems we talked. For example, he was unsure about revealing to me
that he was gay. He was afraid that I would reject him immediately, so it
took him a while to tell me. By that time, his mother and brother had already
been told. One day he said that he had something to say. I could see that
he was nervous, so I asked him if everything was all right. Matt took a deep
breath and told me that he was gay. Then he waited for my reaction. I still
remember his surprise when I said, Yeah? OK, but whats the point
of this conversation? Then everything was OK. We went back to a father
and son who loved each other and respected the beliefs of the other. We were
father and son, but we were also friends.
How do I talk about the loss that I feel every time I think about Matt? How
can I describe the empty pit in my heart and mind when I think about all the
problems that were put in Matts way that he overcame? No one can understand
the sense of pride and accomplishment that I felt every time he reached the
mountain top of another obstacle. No one, including myself, will ever know
the frustration and agony that others put him through because he was different.
How many people could be given the problems that Matt was presented with and
still succeed as he did? How many would continue to smileat least on
the outsidewhile crying on the inside to keep other people from feeling
bad?
I now feel very fortunate that I was able to spend some private time with
Matt last summer during my vacation from Saudi Arabia. We sat and talked.
I told Matt that he was my hero and that he was the toughest man that I had
ever known. When I said that, I bowed down to him out of respect for his ability
to continue to smile and keep a positive attitude during all the trials and
tribulations that he had gone through. He just laughed. I also told him how
proud I was because of what he had accomplished and what he was trying to
accomplish. The last thing I said to Matt was that I loved him, and he said
he loved me. That was the last private conversation that I ever had with him.
Impact on my life? My life will never be the same. I miss Matt terribly. I
think about him all the timeat odd moments when some little thing reminds
me of him; when I walk by the refrigerator and see the pictures of him and
his brother that weve always kept on the door; at special times of the
year, like the first day of classes at UW or opening day of sage chicken hunting.
I keep wondering almost the same thing that I did when I first saw him in
the hospital. What would he have become? How would he have changed his piece
of the world to make it better?
Impact on my life? I feel a tremendous sense of guilt. Why wasnt I there
when he needed me most? Why didnt I spend more time with him? Why didnt
I try to find another type of profession so that I could have been available
to spend more time with him as he grew up? What could I have done to be a
better father and friend? How do I get an answer to those questions now? The
only one who can answer them is Matt. These questions will be with me for
the rest of my life. What makes it worse for me is knowing that his mother
and brother will have similar unanswered questions.
Impact on my life? In addition to losing my son, I lost my father on November
4, 1998. The stress of the entire affair was too much for him. Dad watched
Matt grow up. He taught him how to hunt, fish, camp, ride horses, and love
the state of Wyoming. Matt, Logan, dad, and I would spend two to three weeks
camping in the mountains at different times of the yearto hunt, to fish,
and to goof off. Matt learned to cook over an open fire, tell fishing stories
about the one that got away, and to drive a truck from my father. Three weeks
before Matt went to the Fireside Bar for the last time, my parents saw Matt
in Laramie. In addition, my father tried calling Matt the night that he was
beaten but received no answer. He never got over the guilt of not trying earlier.
The additional strain of the hospital vigil, being in the hospital room with
Matt when he died, the funeral services with all the media attention and the
protesters, and helping Judy and me clean out Matts apartment in Laramie
a few days later was too much.
Three weeks after Matts death, dad died. Dad told me after the funeral
that he never expected to outlive Matt. The stress and the grief were just
too much for him. Impact on my life? How can my life ever be the same again?
When Matt was little, I used to take showers with him, just to teach him not
to be scared of the water. Later, Matt helped me do the same thing with Logan.
Anyway, Matt and I would be in the shower spitting mouthfuls of water at each
other or at his mother, if he could convince her to come into the bathroom.
Then he would laugh and laugh. We would also sing in the showers. I taught
him the songs Row, Row, Row Your Boat; both Brother John
and its French version, Frère Jacques; and Twinkle,
Twinkle, Little Star. Matt would sing loud and clear. Now, that voice
is silent, the boat has sunk, Jacques is no longer frère, and the little
star no longer twinkles.
Matt officially died at 12:53 a.m. on Monday, October 12, 1998, in a hospital
in Fort Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of Laramie tied
to a fence that Wednesday before, when you beat him. You, Mr. McKinney, with
your friend Mr. Henderson, killed my son.
By the end of the beating, his body was just trying to survive. You left him
out there by himself, but he wasnt alone. There were his lifelong friends
with himfriends that he had grown up with. Youre probably wondering
who these friends were. First, he had the beautiful night sky with the same
stars and moon that we used to look at through a telescope. Then, he had the
daylight and the sun to shine on him one more timeone more cool, wonderful
autumn day in Wyoming. His last day alive in Wyoming. His last day alive in
the state that he always proudly called home. And through it all he was breathing
in for the last time the smell of Wyoming sagebrush and the scent of pine
trees from the snowy range. He heard the windthe ever-present Wyoming
windfor the last time. He had one more friend with him. One he grew
to know through his time in Sunday school and as an acolyte at St. Marks
in Casper as well as through his visits to St. Matthews in Laramie.
He had God. I feel better knowing he wasnt alone.
Matt became a symbolsome say a martyr, putting a boy-next-door face
on hate crimes. Thats fine with me. Matt would be thrilled if his death
would help others. On the other hand, your agreement to life without parole
has taken yourself out of the spotlight and out of the public eye. It means
no drawn-out appeals process, no chance of walking away free due to a technicality,
and no chance of lighter sentence due to a merciful jury. Best
of all, you wont be a symbol. No years of publicity, no chance of communication,
no nothingjust a miserable future and a more miserable end. It works
for me.
My son was taught to look at all sides of an issue before making a decision
or taking a stand. He learned this early when he helped campaign for various
political candidate while in grade school and junior high. When he did take
a stand, it was based on his best judgment. Such a stand cost him his life
when he quietly let it be known that he was gay. He didnt advertise
it, but he didnt back away from the issue either. For that Ill
always be proud of him. He showed me that he was a lot more courageous than
most people, including myself. Matt knew that there were dangers to being
gay, but he accepted that and wanted to just get on with his life and his
ambition of helping others.
Matts
beating, hospitalization, and funeral focused worldwide attention on hate.
Good is coming out of evil. People have said Enough is enough.
You screwed up, Mr. McKinney. You made the world realize that a persons
lifestyle is not a reason for discrimination, intolerance, persecution, and
violence. This is not the 1920s, 30s, and 40s of Nazi Germany.
My son died because of your ignorance and intolerance. I cant bring
him back. But I can do my best to see that this never, ever happens to another
person or another family again. As I mentioned earlier, my son has become
a symbola symbol against hate and people like you; a symbol for encouraging
respect for individuality; for appreciating that someone is different; for
tolerance. I miss my son, but Im proud to be able to say that he is
my son.
Mr. McKinney, one final comment before I sit, and this is the reason that
I stand before you now. At no time since Matt was found at the fence and taken
to the hospital have Judy and I made any statements about our beliefs concerning
the death penalty. We felt that that would be an undue influence on any prospective
juror. Judy has been quoted by some right-wing groups as being against the
death penalty. It has been stated that Matt was against the death penalty.
Both of these statements are wrong. We have held family discussions and talked
about the death penalty. Matt believed that there were incidents and crimes
that justified the death penalty. For example, he and I discussed the horrible
death of James Byrd, Jr. in Jasper, Texas. It was his opinion that the death
penalty should be sought and that no expense should be spared to bring those
responsible for this murder to justice. Little did we know that the same response
would come about involving Matt. I, too, believe in the death penalty. I would
like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. However, this is the
time to begin the healing process. To show mercy to someone who refused to
show any mercy. To use this as the first step in my own closure about losing
Matt. Mr. McKinney, I am not doing this because of your family. I am definitely
not doing this because of the crass and unwarranted pressures put on by the
religious community. If anything, that hardens my resolve to see you die.
Mr. McKinney, Im going to grant you life, as hard as that is for me
to do, because of Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday,
or the Fourth of July, remember that Matt isnt. Every time that you
wake up in that prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the
ability to stop your actions that night. Every time that you see your cell
mate, remember that you had a choice, and now you are living that choice.
You robbed me of something very precious, and I will never forgive you for
that. Mr. McKinney, I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives.
May you have a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it.
Your honor, members of the jury, Mr. Rerucha, thank you.
The Matthew Shepard Foundation has been set up to help fund programs to educate
youth and the public about hate crimes, and what they can do to prevent tragedies
such as Matthew's brutal murder.
Henderson and McKinneys girlfriends, Chasity Vera Pasley, 20, and Kristen
LeAnn Price, 19, both of Laramie, were each charged with being an accessory
after the fact to first degree murder, accused of helping to dispose of bloody
clothing that police say was worn by Pasleys boyfriend, Henderson. Pasley
pled guilty and was sentenced to 15 months to two years in prison. On April
5, 1999 Russell Arthur Henderson, 21, pled guilty to first degree murder on
the eve of his trial and was sentenced to life without parole in the Wyoming
State Penitentiary. Aaron J. McKinney was sentenced November 4, 1999 to two
life sentences with no appeals, guaranteeing that he would be imprisoned for
the rest of his life.
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